


Somewhere (can you find me?)

by RootsArrow (SparklingDarkAngel)



Category: Daredevil (TV), Jessica Jones (TV), The Defenders (Marvel TV)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Amaxophobia, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trish is Hellcat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-17 20:46:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17567678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparklingDarkAngel/pseuds/RootsArrow
Summary: Jessica tries to drown her demons in booze while Matt takes to the streets and tries to beat his out with his fists. Trauma has left them both alone in the dark, but as they reach out to each other they find out that sorrow shared is sorrow halved.





	1. Orbit

She wasn’t sure what drew her into Matt’s orbit. He preyed on her weakness (occasionally, she gave a damn), but it wasn’t intentional. Matthew, for all his charm, never expected to be liked. He was probably the one person she’d met who had as many walls as her, but their was one crucial difference between them. 

He was good. 

Daredevil took his rage, turned it on the predators of Hell’s Kitchen, and never asked for anything in return from the people he saved, not even recognition. Yet through his whole crusade, there wasn’t one casualty caused directly by him. He wasn’t a killer; not like Jessica. 

She could still hear the bones in Kilgrave’s neck snapping under her fingers; could still smell the blood of the prison guard staining the floor. And for what? She hadn’t been able to protect her mother, and she hadn’t been able to protect Hope, who was only targeted so Kilgrave could draw her out. 

“You’re just like me, Jessica.”

“Main Street. Birch Street. Higgins Drive. Cobalt Lane.”

The four streets of Jessica’s childhood were repeated over and over like a mantra to drive out the ghost in her head. Occasionally she could still hear Kilgrave talking to her, trying to convince her of her brokenness. He succeeded. 

“What was that, Jess?” Karen asked gently. 

“Nothing,” Jessica muttered. “Just thinking out loud.”

It had been a long time since she’d last seen Matt. When she saw him alive in the news, she dropped her flask, spilling whiskey all over herself. She wanted to find him, but the FBI came to her apartment to ask questions, so she figured it was best to keep her distance. With Fisk gone, however, Jessica felt safe taking the first step. She tracked down Foggy, which led her to the new office of Nelson & Murdock & Page. 

Karen recognized her instantly and let her in. Matt wasn’t there yet, so Jessica hung by Karen’s desk. She turned the bottle of scotch she brought as a gift over in her hands, trying to distract her nervous thoughts. Kilgrave was dead. He couldn’t hurt anyone anymore. 

The door creaked as it opened, and Jessica turned her head to see Matt entering the office. He was dressed in a gray suit with red-tinted glasses that hid his face and a crooked, brown tie (he was good, but he wasn’t perfect). His nose twitched. “Jessica?” he asked, sounding nervous. 

“Hey dead boy,” she greeted. “Congrats on putting Fisk away. Again. I brought you some scotch.”

Matt stepped forwards and accepted the bottle of scotch from her hands. “Thanks,” he replied. “Uh, you’re not mad?”

The day Matt was buried under Midland Circle had been hard for her. They’d defeated the Hand, but it hadn’t felt like a victory. She wanted to scream at Matt for staying, for letting himself die, but another thought kept nagging at her. What if it had been Trish? There was no question that Jessica would have done the same thing. 

“Believe me, Murdock, after that shit you pulled at Midland Circle I tried really hard to be mad,” she admitted. “But the more I thought about it, the more I started to see it as something I would’ve done. So. Yeah.”

She could practically feel the tension in the room dissipating as she spoke. Matt’s whole body relaxed, and he smiled faintly. Her stomach tightened as she looked him over and took in the bruises and scabs that decorated his skin. She didn’t see the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen anymore when she looked at him. She just saw one more person she couldn’t protect. 

Before she could change her mind, she stepped forwards and wrapped him in a tight hug. He flinched at first, but he quickly returned the embrace. Jessica could feel the desperation he held inside as he held onto her. “Can we talk outside?” she asked as she pulled away. 

“Of course,” Matt replied. He set the bottle down on his desk and followed her out the door into the hallway. “Is everything alright?”

Jessica wanted to roll her eyes at the man who never seemed to think of himself. “How are you really doing, Matt?” she asked. “And don’t even think about lying to me.”

Matt sighed sadly. “Well Fisk is back in prison so I guess I just have to learn how to be alive again,” he replied. Underneath his glasses, he looked lost. 

“I met someone recently, and it made me realize that I haven’t really been living.” She paused. “I don’t want the same for you.”

His expression tightened, and Jessica sighed in return. She knew how hard it was to have people care when she just couldn’t give a damn about herself. “Who’d you meet?” he asked. 

“It’s... a long story,” Jessica answered. “But if you want to come over for some booze tonight, I can tell you about it.”

A hesitant smile lit up his face. “I’d like that,” he said. Then, changing the subject, he added, “You know they’re talking about us, right?”

She wasn’t surprised. “What are they saying?”

“Something about shared trauma,” Matt answered. 

Jessica chuckled darkly. “They have no idea,” she muttered. “Anyways, I’ll see you tonight. You should probably get to work.”

“Tonight,” he replied with a nod. “I look forward to it.”

They parted ways, and Jessica tried to ignore the pit growing in her stomach and the ghost in her head. “Oh Jessica, you already failed him once. What makes you seriously think you won’t again?”

“Main Street. Birch Street. Higgins Drive. Cobalt Lane.”


	2. An Apartment That Smells Like Booze

The night air was cool against Matt’s skin as he walked the several blocks to Jessica’s apartment. Of course taking a cab would be easier, but he hadn’t been in a cab since he plunged into the freezing waters of the Atlantic. Even just the thought of it now made him feel sick. 

There was a reason he didn’t ever swim by choice. It messed with his senses too much. In the water, sound traveled five times faster, and there was a lot of it. With the roaring in his ears, it was hard to focus. The water also bent the sound, distorting Matt’s internal radar. Not to mention the smell was so awful that being forced to hold his breath was a blessing. 

So naturally, when Matt dropped into the ocean trapped in a taxi, he was shaken. His saving grace was that the car hadn’t flipped, otherwise he surely would have lost all sense of direction. He was half dead when he finally pulled himself out of the water. 

Jessica’s building was loud, though pretty much all of New York was just as loud. By this point, Matt was used to it. He made his way inside. The elevator was easy to find given the noise the compartment made as it moved up and down. After getting in, he used his fingers to read the braille on the wall to find the right button for Jessica’s floor. Electricity hummed as the cables moved. The sound of the elevator echoed in the hallways, and Matt counted the floors until it stopped. 

Her door was all the way at the other end of the hallway. On the other side, Matt could hear Jessica arguing with her sister, Trish Walker. “We were leaving,” Jessica snapped. “You should’ve just let us.”

“She had to be stopped, Jessica.”

“You didn’t have to kill her!”

Matt froze a few feet away from the door as a tremor seemed to run through the whole building. Both hearts were beating wildly. Without another word, Trish turned and left. She closed the door with more force than necessary, and in her frustration she almost didn’t see Matt until she was right in front of him. “Shit, sorry,” she muttered, quickly stepping back. “You!”

“Me,” Matt replied with a weak smile. 

“You’re Jessica’s lawyer,” Trish recalled. “Is she in trouble?”

“No trouble,” he answered. “We’re just catching up.”

Trish huffed in disbelief. “Wow. Well, I guess I’ll see you around.” There was something odd about her as she walked down the hallway, but Matt wasn’t sure what. He pushed it out of his mind and continued to Jessica’s door. 

“How much of that did you hear?” Jessica asked as she let him in. 

“Enough,” Matt replied with a frown. 

The whole placed smelled like dust and whiskey. Jessica led him to the couch, and Matt tried not to touch the scratchy fabric with his hands. The walls sounded bare in a way that reminded Matt of his own apartment. “Can I get you a drink?” Jessica asked. 

Matt nodded his acceptance and waited for her to return. She placed one bottle of whiskey in his hand and sipped on another as she sat next to him. “We were talking about my mom,” Jessica said suddenly. “Trish and I.”

“Your mom?” Matt questioned. He sipped from his own drink. The taste was strong, but it didn’t overpower his senses. 

“Yeah,” Jessica replied softly. “Have you heard of IGH?”

“Bits and pieces,” Matt answered. “Weren’t they involved in human experimentation?”

Jessica’s heart picked up. “Uh, yeah. Long story short, that’s how I got my powers. I thought I was the only one they took after the car accident that killed my family, but I was wrong.”

“Your mother,” Matt realized with a sinking feeling. 

“She was strong like me, but brain damaged to the point of not being able to control it. She killed people.” Jessica paused and licked her lips. “I found her when I was investigating IGH. I wanted to hate her, but...”

“But she was still your mother,” Matt finished, thinking about his own mother. 

“Exactly,” Jessica replied. “I tried to do the right thing and make her turn herself in, but it didn’t last. Eventually she just kidnapped me. We were going to run away together. She wanted to go somewhere we could help people, like an active war zone. But with the police hunting us, Trish wanted to be the hero. So she found us, and she shot my mom.”

Her heart thudded loudly, but it beat the truth. Matt felt like the breath had been knocked out of him. “Shit, Jessica,” he whispered. He reached out to place his hand over Jessica’s. She flinched slightly, but she didn’t push him away. “Is there anything I can do?”

Jessica exhaled a long sigh. “There’s not,” she answered. “I guess I just wanted the company.”

He could hear that Jessica had finished her drink. Wordlessly, he offered the rest of his to her. After a moment she accepted and downed it as fast as she could. “When’s the last time you had a decent meal?” Matt asked. Given the way the apartment smelled, he wouldn’t be surprised if Jessica had just been living off whiskey. 

“It’s been awhile,” Jessica admitted. “I suppose I can’t live off booze and McDonald’s forever though.”

Matt involuntarily shuddered at the thought of McDonalds. He may have enjoyed fast food before his senses developed, but now he couldn’t stand it. There were too many awful smells and tastes that did not belong in food. “How about you come with me to my apartment?” he suggested. “I can make dinner, and you can bring leftovers home.”

He expected her to reject him, but instead she nodded. “Alright,” she agreed. “I don’t drive though, so I’ll call us a cab.”

If any anxiety about taxis made its way to Matt’s face, Jessica didn’t notice. He took her elbow and let her lead him while he tried not to think of salt water rising around him.


End file.
